Would You Like Another Slice of Evil?
by AprilLittle
Summary: Gambling. Disappointment. Traitorousness. Can the bonds of the Little family hold strong against the malevolent inclinations of the Mary Sues?
1. Chapter 1

"Run, damnit, _run_!"

Lils and Lucy collapse onto the sofa in silent giggles as April stomps over the pandaskin rug in front of the television, leaning unnecessarily close to the screen with her giant sparkling silver lobster headwear.

"Use your horn! You've got an extra foot on all the others! Poke them in the ass! _Win_!"

"Don't you think that would make the other horses run _faster_?" Lils mutters under her breath to Lucy, who quickly places a finger to her own lips, silently telling Lils just to enjoy the spectacle.

"No! _NoNoNo_!" April collapses to her knees, grasping the panda fur in her fists, the antennae on her hat quivering along with rest of her body as she mourns her loss.

Lils addresses no one in particular, "Tell me again why Cooper wore full armor to ride jockey?"

April tears off the lobster hat and sits back on her heels, sticking her tongue out at Lils before returning to the recap on the screen. "I wanted him to stay true to himself," she admits sullenly. "In retrospect, I see that it was probably not the best opportunity to support individuality."

Hiding a grin, Lucy removes herself from the sofa and joins April on the floor, wrapping an arm around her shoulders in comfort, "It's not all about winning, you know."

Still seated on the couch, Lils lets out a huff of indignation.

"Yeah, yeah. . ." April begrudgingly agrees. "Cooper and the unicorn tried their best."

"Exactly," Lucy says. Her eye twitches as she stares at the growing pile of glitter collecting on the rug from April scratching nervously at her hat. She removes the lobster from April's possession and quickly flings it out the open window, not satisfied until she hears the crunch of the crocs' jaws as they discover their treat.

Lils regains Aproma's attention by loudly clearing her throat. "You're forgetting one thing though. . .I WON! April now owes me a story." She nods in smug satisfaction.

"What would you like?" April asks, regret from agreeing to the initial wager piling up all around her, like panda carcasses after their last epic battle with The Angel.

"Well, what kinds of characters are in your repertoire?" Lils asks.

April scrunches up her face, thinking much too hard, "None."

Lils stares at her, perplexed, "I'll consider it for awhile and get back to you, okay?"

Defeatedly rising to her feet and shaking glitter from her clothing, April reaches into her front pocket and pulls out a keychain with a lucky rabbit's foot on the end, dropping it to the floor, where it's hideously dyed pink fur clashes with the black and white rug beneath. A few steps closer to the door, there's a tiny plink as her lucky penny bounces off the floor and rolls along a natural crack in the stone, halted only when it collides with the wall. As she finally reaches the doorway leading towards the kitchen, there's a resounding clang as the arch of a horseshoe just misses her toes, instead taking a small chip out of the floor.

Lils looks to Lucy for reassurance, but only finds a reflection of her own worry, "She agreed to the terms. . ."

Lucy focuses on the doorway that April just disappeared through. "I know. Just give her some time, she'll come around."

* * *

"I need a snack," April mutters to herself as she rambles down the hall. Her mood brightens some as she enters the kitchen, spotting Dillon curled up with the newest members of the special baking team, the dragon and the ragdoll kitten. Smiling a little now, she crosses the room to locate a bowl and spoon, then crosses again to retrieve a box of Honey Nut Cheerios from the pantry. Pouring the Cheerios and milk together, she hears some clatter outside. "Cooper?" But instead of Cooper clanging into the kitchen, Johanna jumps into the doorway.

"Long live the Cheerios!" Beelining for the door opposite, she sprints past April, smacking the bowl of cereal with her right hand, successfully liberating the doughnut seeds. . .to be crushed underfoot and gobbled up by the fluffier two thirds of the kitchen staff, who have been rousted from their siesta by all of the ruckus.

April watches the fleeting back of Johanna disappear into the afternoon shadows of the Castle's interior. "She's in the living room!" Frowning slightly at the puddle of breakfast delights on the floor, April lets out a sigh and heads for the freezer, "Ice cream sounds better anyway." As she's standing in front of the open door, the slapping of two pairs of shoes on the floor announces that Johanna has successfully located Lils. "Hey, Lils, any idea where all the ice cream disappeared to?"

"Huh? Oh. . .yeah! Uh, Johanna and I were using the cannon to shoot pints at Yew earlier!"

"You. . .fired all of my Butter Pecan at Yew?"

"Erm, sorry? But don't worry, Zoey's cleaning him up!"

"Oh. Well, if Zoey's- hey, hold up!" April scratches her head, trying to get events straight. "Zoey? As in, The Angel's evil cohort?"

Johanna chirps up, "Hey, I used to Rule the World with Angel, too!"

April sniggers, "Yeah, but that was before she acquired an unquenchable thirst for baby koala blood, which rumor has it, Zoey keeps her stocked with through the Australian Black Market." She crouchwalks over to the window and slowly raises her head above the ledge to peer out towards Yew. Alternately squinting then rubbing her eyes, she finally whispers back to Lils and Johanna, "I don't have my glasses on, but. . .does it look to you guys like Yew is enjoying himself?" They nod their heads up and down in unison. "Hmph. Remind me to talk to that tree fort about family dedication." Still searching for a snack, April walks over to the refrigerator and opens the door to find- "Cheesecake! Ohmygosh, I love my wife!" She scoops up the lemon-scented dessert and starts waltzing it over to the countertop for immediate consumption.

"Um, April," Lils hesitantly begins, "Lucy was very adamant earlier that that was not to be touched until after dinner."

"Come now, surely she won't miss just a tiny sliver!" April says as she noisily searches through all of the nearby drawers for a knife.

"Mmm, I was actually here when she issued the warning," Johanna agrees. "Something about not waking the dragon. . ."

They all look towards the scaly, leather-winged creature curled upon the stone floor. April looks longingly at the cheesecake. Lils and Johanna look pittingly at April. The cheesecake is returned unscathed to the refrigerator.

* * *

Unable to stop laughing out loud, Yew finally resorts to using a branch to halt Zoey's thorough and very ticklish scrubbing. "I am certain that I am quite clean by now, wouldn't you say?"

"Are Yew?"

"Oh, very good," Yew responds dryly. "I've surely never heard that one before."

Zoey ignores his sarcasm, "Do you ever wish you were a real boy?"

"Like fucking Pinocchio? No."

Zoey frowns and extends the handle of the soapy brush to clean out Yew's froody mouth. "I'm going to Rule the World, you know. . .will you be my fortress?" Since there's a torrent of water and foam preventing him from replying snarkily, Zoey continues on as if he is in full support of housing a lovely and charismatic pandaglomping maniac within his branches and weathered boards, "Aw, I knew Yew loved me!"

* * *

_Never gonna give you up,_

_Never gonna let you down,_

_Never gonna run around and desert you-_

Head plucks the strings of his lute with a flourish, kicks his leg out to the front and uses the momentum to spin himself around, ending up on one bended knee to continue the chorus. . .

_Never gonna make you cry,_

_Never gonna say goodbye,_

_Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you!_

An anchovy muffin comes hurtling from the window directly above his performance area, and he drops his instrument to catch it, smiling wide as he inhales the aroma, "My favorite!"

April steps off the colored squares she was walking along on her way to Gold's lab and begins to applaude, startling both Head and the muffin-flinger in the window- he jumps a foot in the air and turns red, while the lady's arm overthrows the chocolate chip muffin that she was winding up with, sending it directly into April's outstretched hand. "Mmm, _my_ favorite!" She waves towards Muffin's window and curtsies to Head with a wink, "I'll let you two get back to your Rick Rolling now."

* * *

A knock at the exterior entrance to his laboratory causes Gold to spin around in his workchair and knock over a beaker of churning bright green liquid as he reaches for the lever that will drop the false wall into place. . .but before he can complete the necessary motion, April's silhouette is illuminated in the open doorway and he lets out a sigh of relief, "I'd really prefer if you used the entrance from the interior of the Castle. If anyone else finds out that I'm the next Dr. Frankenstein instead of a mild-mannered physics teacher. . ."

"Don't worry so much, Gold! I took precautions on my way here; I was careful to avoid any cracks in the sidewalk so as not to break Paige's back, I skipped backwards for a bit to ensure no one was following me, I flung a chocolate chip muffin to the-"

"-where'd you get a chocolate chip muffin? I thought we only ate rainbow cupcakes around here?"

"Oh, you know. . ." April vaguely points in a northernly direction before giving up and waving the comment off, "it's unimportant really. How is our army of zombie pandas coming along?"

"Very well, actually! Let me show you the progress," he leaps up from his chair, unknowingly dragging the sleeve of his lab jacket through the green puddle on the workbench and stepping in a bit that has collected on the floor. "With these undead pandas under our command, we will be invincible!"

Poking one of the furry beasts in the arm, April jumps back in surprise when it's eyes pop open and a low growl is emitted. "Wow. We're not taking this war too far, are we? These buggers seem more dangerous than I expected. . ."

"No, not at all! Our people need to feel safe, and ridding FanFiction of evil, tyrannical Mary Sues needs to happen. Who else would have enough bravery to do so? It must be the mighty Littles; remember our words! 'Where Angels fear to tread!' Now we're going to make her fearful to tread anywhere," Gold states proudly as he throws a sheet over the green-tinged, growling panda's head.

Hesitantly, April concurs, "Aight, carry on. But be careful."

Gold has just settled back into his chair after April leaves, when he's startled once more by a noise at the exterior door. Cautiously undoing the latch, he peers out to find no one in sight. "Hmm," he mutters to himself. As he's about to close the door, he happens to look down and spot a licorice bat with a fruit roll-up tied around its leg. "Oh," Gold exclaims, "you have excellent timing, little bat! What instructions does Angel have for me today?"

* * *

April finds Lucy tucked away in her bedroom, a tattered spiral notebook spread out before her and black ink smudges staining her right hand as she swiftly outlines one of several birthday stories that she has been meaning to begin composing.

"You're good now?" Lucy asks, without looking away from her work.

"Good enough," April responds as she collapses onto the side of the bed, creating a jagged line of ink across Lucy's notebook page. Restlessly, she grabs from a multitude of sickeningly pink pillows adorning the bed, fluffs one beneath her head and crosses her feet near Lucy's elbow. "Have you noticed that our family is slowly becoming infiltrated by Angel's former and current partners in crime?"

Lucy pushes April's penguin-sock clad feet off the doona. "If you're talking about Johanna, I hardly think we have anything to worry about. . ."

Spinning herself around and flipping onto her stomach, mimicking Lucy's position, April supports her head with one hand and uses the other to trace the errant penmark in the notebook questioningly. "I was actually more concerned about Zoey living in Yew."

Lucy is finally distracted enough to make eye contact, "Zoey in Yew? Isn't that a tad backwards?"

"Different strokes for different folks," April shrugs. "But we can't very well have Yew becoming the Trojan Horse that brings us down. . .something's brewing. Something big."

The whinnying of a horse in the courtyard and the crashing of a brave knight's helm into the pot rack above the kitchen island announces Cooper's arrival home from his day at the horsetrack. A hardy yell of _HUZZAH!_ reverberates through the entire Castle, drawing footsteps from every corner, Cooper's family eager to greet him and gaze upon his purple participatory ribbon.

* * *

Refilling Irma's goblet with cranberry juice, Angel gives a quick swat at Rachel to get off the table, before returning to her seat, "I can't believe people really think I drink baby koala blood!" She swirls the contents of her own glass, gazing into the crimson liquid, frowning slightly. "Where'd that rumor start anyway?"

"Your evil fiancee," Irma states.

"She left me for a tree fort; the engagement is null and void," Angel responds grumpily.

"But you still allow her to control the Pandas and use the Pandaglomping gun?"

"Well, yeah. . ."

"So you're still partners in world domination?"

"Kind of. . ."

"Kind of?" Irma asks curiously.

Angel hesitantly reveals, "Well, lately I'm getting the sense that she'd rather destroy the world then rule it. . .and I feel a bit helpless."

"Don't worry, my little Entwi; Irmagonna take care of this!"

* * *

Knuckles rap sharply on the shoulder of Cooper's armored suit and open palms slap into the back of his helm - all intended to be congratulatory, but the day has been long and his family's love is feeling more like punishment to his aching head and body. When Head appears with his lute and begins to strum the opening bars to a song detailing the race, Cooper flips up his visor, tears the helmet from his own head and slams it onto Head's. "It looks good on you, brother," he announces whilst bringing a closed fist down on the brim, "And the acoustics are _fantastic_!" With a satisfied grin, he then sneaks - as quietly as metal armor will allow - behind Lils, clasping his gloved hands in front of her eyes, "Guess who, Chippylils?"

Setting her hands on her hips, Lils cocks her head slightly to the right. "Oh, gosh," she ponders aloud, biting her lip in feigned consternation, "could it be Muffin?"

"Try again, ChipsAhoy!" Cooper smiles wide at Johanna, whose conversation with Lils has been interrupted by his little game. She arches her brows and smiles back, shaking her head slightly, but successfully stopping her eyes from rolling.

"Ray?"

"Nope."

"Hazazazazazazazazazel?"

"No!"

"Emu?"

Exasperated, Cooper steps around to reveal himself, "Really? A six foot tall flightless bird?" He flaps his tired arms comically, switching his weight from foot to foot in a herky-jerky attempt to mimic a creature he has never seen before in his life.

"Oh, Coop, I was just pulling your leg!" Lils laughs and throws one arm around Cooper's shoulder and the other around Johanna's, "Let's go claim spots near the dessert, shall we?"

* * *

Later that night, Gold tiptoes into the kitchen, carefully stepping over the tails of each pet sprawled on the floor, their varied snores indicating them to be thoroughly tuckered out from another busy day of feeding the ever-growing Little family. "I can't believe I napped through supper! Again! These zombie pandas are going to be the death of me! And Angel's sending a bat every other day, demanding another horcrux be made or she'll pokestab me into a pit of Irma's cats. . ." Gold mutters to himself as he very quietly grips the handle on the refrigerator and opens it ever so slowly, careful not to let the light shine out more then necessary. He grabs a beer from the shelf on the door and searches the rest of the brightly lit interior for something tasty to silence the rumbling of his stomach. "Fruit. Vegetable. Fruit. Vegetable. Vegetable," he grumbles. "Why can't there ever be something tasty, like a cheesecake?" The as yet unopened bottle of beer slips from his hand and smashes into dark brown shards on the stone floor. "Oh, no!" He throws the door all of the way open, bathing the pets in light as some wearily glance in his direction and others groggily cover their eyes with their paws. "Someone ate Angel's horcrux!"


	2. Chapter 2

_. . .her lips curve upward into a mischievous grin as she gathers the flowing hemline of her skirt and draws it unhurriedly up the length of her thighs, perching atop the Victor's lap and dipping her blonde curls to capture an earlobe between her impeccably cared for Merchant's teeth. The warm breath from a whispered promise trails across Katniss' neck, causing her mascara-laden eyelids to flutter shut and an involuntarily gasp to emit itself from her enticingly parted lips as the soft kisses continue down. . ._

"Continue down to where?"

April awakens with a start, imprints of the round typewriter keys fully formed across her forehead. "Huh? What?" She glances over her shoulder to find Lucy hovering above her, craning her neck to read more of the paper still cradled in the machine. "The, uh. . .kitchen," April responds quickly as her left hand rips the unfinished paragraph from the typewriter and crumples it into a tiny ball, her gaze moving towards the sunlight shining through her bedroom window, "What's that noise?"

Not letting the subject drop, Lucy continues, "Oh! So she was hungry?"

"Yep. Famished," April tosses the paper ball towards the rubbish bin, hitting the rim and depositing the mass onto the floor instead. Rising from the rickety wooden chair at the writing desk, she retrieves the litter and places it squarely in the bin as she continues on to the window to peek outside. "Seriously, it's like a convention of cartoon mice are right below us. . ."

"Cooper planted a pair of chatty saplings near the babbling Brooke to keep her company; the tall, wispy one is Slim, and the leafy one is Shady," Lucy explains, placing her hands on the sill to confirm that that's the noise April is referring to. Retreating from the open air while April is still occupied by other thoughts, she sneaks a handful of crumpled paper from the bin, "I think there's some leftover tilapia in the fridge from last night's supper."

"Fish? Naw, something Mexican would be better," April says, turning around to see Lucy trying to flatten the sheets on the desktop. "Hey now!"

"Are you writing femmeslash for our daughter?" Lucy inquires with a raised brow.

"Of course not! What kind of a parent do you think I am?" April responds defensively. "It's for. . .Jenn!" She cringes inwardly, hoping Jenn doesn't mind this little untruth. Lils has yet to give her any sort of pairing or prompt for the story she's supposed to compose.

"Sorry to burst in like this; I hope I'm not coming at an inopportune moment!" Head announces as he appears in the doorway, dripping wet.

Lucy bites her lip to keep from laughing at the sight of him and of his unfortunate sounding apology. Outwardly, April scowls at the growing puddle in her threshold; inwardly, she's thankful that Lucy's inquisitiveness has been redirected. Placing a hand on April's arm, Lucy says quietly, "I'll take care of whatever is going on. See you for lunch?" She smiles and turns away to escort Head from the room, their voices fading as she walks him down the hallway, inquiring as to why he is soaked to the bone.

* * *

A cold cloth pressed to his forehead does nothing to chase away the green tint that is taking over Gold's features. "So you and Cooper were performing your morning chores, tossing pandameat to the crocs, when Gold appeared on the drawbridge and bumped you into the moat?"

"Right," Head runs his hand through his hair and shakes his head. "We thought he was drunk at first, stumbling around and rambling about cheesecake, but once Sarge gave us a boost to safety, it became clear that something else was going on. . ."

"Cheesecake, you say? That couldn't have made him sick; he didn't even make it to dinner last night," Lucy scrunches up her brow, trying to recall the last time she had seen Gold. "Do you have any idea what project he's been working on in his lab?"

Head stands up and stretches his legs, "No. . .he's been more secretive than usual lately." He grabs a new cloth and replaces the one that has grown as warm as Gold's fever. "Maybe April knows? I ran into her yesterday heading to his lab."

"Oh, yeah? I'll definitely ask her," she says. "Where'd Cooper go after this morning's incident?"

"He helped me bring Gold here, then he wandered away. . .probably running through the sprinkler to clean off!" Head laughs and exits the room to dust the entire Castle, which he promised April that he would do a few weeks ago in Chat.

* * *

Cooper passes by April as she tends to the rosebushes in the sideyard and waves to her happily. It is a little early in the day to hook up the sprinkler and wash off the moat stink, so he continues on towards the babbling Brooke for some refreshment and chatter; he is pleased to see that the two trees he recently transplanted nearby seem to be flourishing within their new company.

"Hello there!" Cooper hails to his three unnatural nature friends.

"Yo, no offense, but you _stink_, C-Drizzle," exclaims Shady.

Slim smacks Shady with her branches, "Manners!" She then turns to Cooper, "Don't mind her; I think you look very gangster in your droopy clothing."

Brooke splashes some cool water onto all three of them and babbles, "I have a cat named Miffy. Well, _had_ would be more accurate. Because cats don't like water. He couldn't swim. Miffy died when I tried to pet him."

Slim asks, "You had a male cat and named him _Miffy_?"

"That's fucked up, Brooke," Shady adds.

"I thought he was a she at first!" Tears start to stream out of Brooke, but no one could tell because, well, she _is_ a stream. Her mood can only be gauged by the incoherency of her babbling, which is now turning into more of a blubber as she becomes worked up about her drowned cat.

Feeling more and more awkward in the conversation, Cooper makes up an excuse about having to mop up rainbows in the courtyard, and slowly meanders back towards the Castle, hoping that April has finished harvesting the flowers she needs so that he can sneak the hose from it's holder.

* * *

_Knock Knock Knock_

"Cooooookies! Hello! I have COOKIES for sale!"

April waits for someone else to answer the door and send the solicitor away, but alas, no one seems to be around. _I don't need cookies._ She finishes placing the last rose into her weekly floral arrangement. _I don't need cookies._ She carries the vase back to its spot on the small table in the entryway.

_Knock Knock Knock_

"Doesn't anyone in this Castle eat COOKIES?"

_I don't need cookies._

"Pets love cookies too!"

_I don't need cookies._

"I have double chocolate chip cookies!"

_Fuck._

April throws open the door, "How much per box?"

"Hi, I'm Kay," the salesperson chirps.

"Yes, you are," April agrees distractedly. "How much per box?"

"Only thirteen dollars," Kay practically shrieks in excitement.

April's jaw nearly hits the floor at the steep price, "You're not in any way affiliated with pandas, right?"

"Oh, no!"

"Aight," April sighs. "Follow me. . .I'm going to have to dig under some sofa cushions to find enough cash for that ransom you're demanding."

* * *

Zoey manages to sneak back into Caesar's Licorice Palace before Angel is due to roll out of bed and down the grand staircase, but little makes it past Irma. Inside her cottage, she sets aside the half-knitted emanda-sized sweater that she's been working on and leans forward in her rocking chair to have a better view of Zoey's early morning rush across the lawn. When the Palace door closes, she sits back and settles her right hand on her new goldeN retriever's head, enjoying the content smile that the furball seems to have permanently etched across its face. Rachel silently paws through the cat-door, laps up a bit of water from her dish, and jumps onto the table to capture the first rays of sun as they creep across the scarred surface.

"And where have _you_ been again, Rache?" Irma's eyes narrow as she studies Rachel's ginger fur, which is completely lacking of any signs that she was out hunting. An emanda goes rolling by, growlsquawking as one of it's siblings chokes with laughter. Irma sighs. "Did Angelique really need another horcrux for her tattered Mary Sue soul?" She reaches down and sets the fallen emanda upright. "And why did she have to 'accidentally' kill your father to accomplish it?" The same emanda is once again pushed to the floor, emitting its horrible hybrid caterwaul and causing even N's persistent smile to waver with uncertainty. "I told her I'd take care of Zoey, but if it turns out my platonic life partner is the bigger threat, Irmagonna French poo up."

* * *

The scent of toasted bread and ooey-gooey melted cheese mingling together draws April to the kitchen promptly at noon. Tossing the half consumed box of double chocolate chip cookies onto the counter, she finds Lucy cooking and viewing a recorded episode of _The Hunger Games. _

"You and your cooking shows," April teases. "How's that Peeta fella doing?"

"Actually, he made this really interesting macaroni and cheese recipe," Lucy starts to explain before seeing the hopelessness of such an endeavor while April is enjoying her food. "You probably wouldn't care for it though; more than two ingredients were involved and none originated from a tin."

"Uh-huh." April half speaks and half mimes, "Superb toasted cheese; really top notch!"

Lucy rolls her eyes and shakes her head at April's stunted palate. "So what has Gold been working on?"

April chokes a little as Lucy surprises her with such an unexpected question for the second time that day. "Gold?"

"Right, _Gold_. He knocked Cooper and Head into the moat this morning, and right now he's in bed with a fever."

April nods her head thoughtfully as she tries to come up with an answer. "Well, uh. . .hell! You're buttloads smarter and more scientific than I am. . .how about we take a stroll down to his lab and have a look around?"

"Mmm," Lucy holds up a hand to stop the progression of the matter while she finishes her own sandwich. Washing the last bite down with a swig of ice cold water, she stands up in agreement, "I'd like that. But first, I think you should take a look at his condition; it's very peculiar."

* * *

_Knock Knock Knock_

"COOKIES! Cookiescookiescookies!"

_Knock Knock Knock_

"Master! I have COOKIE NEWS!"

_Knock Knock Knock_

Angel angrily throws open the door. "Do I know you?"

"I'm here to see my Master! Zoey!"

Angel arches her brow. _Master Zoey?_ Hmm. Deciding to play along, she says, "Oh, yes! Silly me! Your Master is down the hall, third door on the left."

"Thanks," Kay yells much too loudly into Angel's ear. She skips halfway down the hall before reversing her course and returning to Angel, who is still standing near the open door, puzzling over this odd guest. "Have a cookie!" Kay shoves a cookie into Angel's gaping mouth, bops her in the forehead, and scurries from the room once more.

* * *

Within seconds of seeing Gold's detioriated condition, April confesses, "Gold is creating an army! Of zombie pandas!"

"Why?"

Fidgeting with the ring on her finger, April says quietly, "Because I told him to?" She walks to Gold's bedside and notes how his cheeks seem to have sunken in and his lips have become dry and cracked. "He's starting to look like them. The zombies. Maybe he was bitten?"

Lucy shakes her head, "No, there was no blood anywhere." She places the back of her hand to his forehead. "He doesn't feel warm anymore. . ."

". . .which probably isn't a very good sign if he's becoming part of the living dead," April finishes. "We need to get down to his lab and figure out what happened. Pronto."

Aproma exits Gold's room and begins to rush off to his laboratory in the lower level, but April halts as they hit the first landing on the stairs. She stands frozen with indecision, then bolts back up the stairs two at a time. Lucy is confused and starts to follow, but they crash into one another near the top step as April reappears with a key dangling off a length of string around her neck.

"You know," she says as she drops the intricately cut piece of metal beneath her shirt, "just in case."

Lucy nods as they resume their descent.

* * *

"I told you never to come here!" Zoey hisses as Kay overzealously slams the door shut. "You're an incredibly insubordinate minion!"

"But I just came from the Rainbow Castle! I have exciting news!"

Zoey sighs, "Okay, well, you're already here, so. . .what did you learn?"

Kay rushes to the window and undoes the latch, waving her arm in a beckoning motion, as she yells back to Zoey, "They're missing some pandas!"

Zoey shakes her head, "Oh, Kay. . .there are no pandas over there except for the rotting pile in the stables that they feed to the crocs. . ."

A low growl emanates from just beyond the windowsill and Kay jumps back as a stinky green panda head lumbers into view. "There are no pandas _anymore_! Because I rescued them!"

"Them?" Zoey slowly makes her way to where Kay is standing back from the decomposing panda stench and grimy, thick-fingered panda hands pawing aimlessly at the air. As her view improves, she sees that Kay has indeed brought a dozen of the far-from-cuddly bears onto the property. "Well, I'll be damned."

"I think you already are. . ."

"Shush!" Zoey collapses into her makeshift throne of cat skulls. "I have to think."

* * *

Aproma stand in the doorway, identical looks of unease on their faces.

"I thought you said there were zombie pandas in here?"

April places a finger to her lips and slowly steps over a pile of broken glass, remnants of a noxious green liquid still clinging to some of the shards, which she points out to Lucy, "That looks like the concoction he was injecting them with. . ."

_BANG!_

_BANG!_

_BANG!_

"What the fuck was that," Lucy yells, giving up on continuing any further semblance of stealth as she dodges around April and the multiple items of overturned furniture to reach the exterior door from which the noise emanated. Throwing caution to the wind, she yanks open the door, revealing three freshly unconscious licorice bats piled on top of one another. April peeks over her shoulder as she crouches to detach the fruit roll-up messages from their legs. Straightening up again, they put their heads together to decipher the tiny, urgent scribbling:

_What do you mean someone ate my horcrux?!_

_Find the new vessel and bring them to me immediately!_

_I will be the bamboo in your side for all of eternity if you don't FIX THIS!_


End file.
